I showed him my bush... on skype.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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