im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There are leaves in my underwear?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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