Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize