is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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