it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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