I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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