I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
