i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
