You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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