in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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