I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
