I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
