i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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