so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
