i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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