He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
