He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize