Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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