no, he came in my armpit
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
