Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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