I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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