There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
