what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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