You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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