Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
