I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
