idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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