It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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