so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
