A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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