Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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