By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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