allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
