the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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