i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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