He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
