Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
