Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
