So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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