Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
