my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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