dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
