So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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