mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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