i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
