i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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