Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
