those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
