One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
