You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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