Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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