I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
