Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
