i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
