I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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