Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize