9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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