is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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