I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
