My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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