It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize