Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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