didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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