You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
