i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You are the jesus of drinking
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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