He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
